


Perfectly sane

by Chromomanticore



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Character Study, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-02 00:16:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15785043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromomanticore/pseuds/Chromomanticore
Summary: Despite the popular belief, Izaya was actually a happy person.  Surprising right?





	1. Chapter 1

People who knew him tended to theorize about Izaya's mentality.

Some of them viewed him as an emotionally weak hypocrite who created an heartless facade for himself to hide behind, but in truth was just a sensitive and vulnereable human being with normal emotions. They suspected him of being depressed or mentally anxious. They looked down on him.

Another major group were those that thought he had some sort of trauma or mental disability that caused him to develop differently from the others. Those humans came up with the weirdest ideas. Once, he listened to a story about how due to not having any friends he decided that he didn't need any other humans and made himself believe that he's better than others. From the rumours he heard he learnt that his parents were abusive, that they didn't give him enough attention, that he was unable to feel emotions like others so he distanced himself from them. Those people pitied him.

Of course there were a few of his precious humans that accepted his world view and way of thinking as his own and not one induced by his surroundings. In their view he truly was an heartless monster, a person incapable of any emotions, whose only amusement was found in the suffering of others. To them he wasn't a person. They were scared of him.

The truth was much simpler. He had feelings. There were however other things he lacked. He didn't feel guilt nor remorse. He wasn't pressured to abide to social standards. The reason he did't show empathy was because he wasn't capable of feeling it. And he was happy with it.

He fully accepted himself and his emotional state.

Of course, it wasn't always like that. When he was a kid he didn't know he wasn't normal. He acted as he was taught. When others were angry at him he apologized. When they did something for him, he thanked them.  Everyone else did the same.

When he was six years old, he had a realization. It came to him as he watched two other children after a fight. The adults were only angry at one of them, a boy. He of course apologized. Nothing really out of normal. It was what happened later that shook the very foundations of Izaya's being. When the adults left the girl came to the boy and told him she was sorry. And he wasn't even angry at her!

It made Izaya think. He thought and he thought but he couldn't find any reason why the girl would do that. When he got home that day he asked his (perfectly normal and loving) mother about that. She told him that the girl probably felt guilty after what happened. He listened to her and tried to understand. He failed but nonetheless nodded and thanked her.

In the following months he tried to learn more about this weird thing called guilt. What he learnt both amazed and unsettled him. He was absolutely fascinated by the fact that appareantly others were having such absurd, irrational reactions. He was slightly worried by his own lack of such, though. When he shared those worries with his parents they told him that it wasn't anything weird. Appareantly a lot of children only matured emotionally when they grew up. He believed that and didn't worry.

As he grew older Izaya didn't manage to develop neither conscience nor empathy. He didn't lose sleep over it. With each passing year his fascination with humans only grew stronger. He enjoyed every moment he spent surrounded by them. He concluded that if it was possible for him to be as happy as he was, than whatever differed him from others couldn't be bad. Especially considering the fact that he never met any other person who claimed to be happy or satisfied with their life.

Seeing how he didn't share the goals of making others life better or getting a higher social position, he decided to make this happiness a sense of his being. He embraced it, treating it as others might treat their god: believed that as long his actions were motivated by it they were good, whatever they were. Indeed, he became a fanatic worshipping his own happiness. And really was there that much difference between worshipping his happiness and himself?

And that was how Izaya realized he was a god.

At least for himself. Well, if a god believed in his own deity, then it was a good enough proof, he supposed. He didn't need his humans to share his beliefs.

 And honestly, it was quite a good thing that he didn't have any expectations towards them. 

Turns out human beings are unable to accept the fact that one of them can exist normally without all those things they deemed necessary. Those who believed that he actually lacked any sort of guilt and empathy stated that he couldn't have any feelings whatsoever.

Oh well, good for them. 

As said before, Izaya wasn't really depressed over it. Quite the opposite, actually. He simply decided that it must be a part of human nature not to accept things only slightly different to them. 

* * *

  Contrary to popular belief, Izaya wasn't incapable of romantic love. Even more, he was pretty sure he could function normally in a relationship. While he was young he discovered that he could use the happiness of his parents as a source of his own amusement. Though this sort of thing gradually lessened as he grew up and distanced himself from them, he still thought that if he ever fell in love then he would react the same way towards his partner. 

Through middle school he had several minor crushes. He never confessed however. No matter how strong was his intial interest, after some time he realized that they weren't any different from others. Still, it was nice to have a proof that he was capable of this kind of thing.

It was also at this period of time that he met his first real friend - Shinra.

 Their relationship was quite close, though not exactly a standard one. Even though in the begining it was the other boy that pestered him, forcing him to form a biology club, Izaya soon found himself enjoying Shinra's presence. Maybe it was because the future doctor was also looking at the world from an unusual perspective, but the two off them really managed to hit off. In the end even though he didn't value the other's happiness and wellbeing above his own, Izaya still somewhat cared for Shinra. At the very least if he could majorly help just by having to put up with some minor inconvenience, than he wouldn't hesitate much to do so.

While others might call it lacking or shallow, for Izaya it was the closest thing to friendship he ever experienced and he valued it. From what he could observe, Shinra did the same.

As he lived his life as a middle schooler, Izaya started his career in the underworld. Although the gambling club he started didn't finally manage to hold his attention for particulary long, it still helped him estabilish connections. By the end beginning of high school he already was a somewhat known pressence, capable of putting a gang or two on the move.

That influence soon proved to be very useful, as upon entering Raira he met Heiwajima Shizuo. And yes, maybe it wasn't exactly necessary for him to send  _every single_ _one_ of those thugs to annoy the blonde, but hey, it was amusing as hell! 

Oh yes, Shizuo. This old friend of Shinra's, who Izaya was expecting to be just another normal human, turned out to be probably the biggest surprise in his life. 

It was because the other was just... different. Being the very opposite of Izaya, instead of deciding not to abide to social rules, he instead tried his best to follow them. Yet the way he did it differed greatly from that of a typical human being. The blonde's perspective was that of an outsider and even though he didn't fully understand other people he still blindly attempted to fit in amongst them. Really, it would've been hillarious if it wasn't so sad.

* * *

 Even as years passed since their graduation, Shizuo remained a constant part of Izaya's life. He was always there to keep him company, although unwillingly. He was unpredictable, sometimes acting just like any other human and sometimes just the opposite. However it was still the other's peculiar way of looking at people that managed to perplex the info broker the most.

It was perphaps due to that earlier mentioned 'outsider perspective' of his, but the ex-bartender was able to grasp other humans' nature, often with no more than a glance. He was the only one able to tell Izaya's true mentality and accept it as real.

At first, Izaya didn't realise it. It was only during one of their chases, that Shizuo yelled a fatefull line, which significance even he himself wasn't aware of.

"But seeing how you are a human aren't you being a piece of shit just because you want to?!..."

Of course, this sentence was quickly followed by a conclusion that it was absolutely fine for Shizuo to deal with him in any way he wished and a string of threats, but Izaya didn't hear any of that. He was so surprised that he had to put all of his focus into not stopping dead in his tracks and letting Shizuo kill him.

Later that day, when he finally did manage to get home, Izaya spent a long time organizing his thoughts. Shizuo knew his true nature. He accepted him. Well, maybe acceptance wasn't the best word, considering the blond hated him and wanted him dead. But still, it was really nice knowing that there was someone aknowledging him how he was. A warm, weird feeling spread through Izaya's chest.

When he woke up the next morning he realized he was in love with Shizuo.

* * *

  Even though for an outsider this kind of feeling might've felt sudden or out of place, Izaya didn't question it much.  His feelings towards Shizuo never had really much to do with hate, no matter what he said for the convenience. The blonde fascinated him, to the point of slight obsession. In the end, all it took for his emotions to make a sudden twist was s single sentence.

Being how he was, accepting his own feelings and simply following them to be happy, the first thing on Izaya's mind after that realization was how he should confess. Was it any different person he suddenly decided he liked, he would've waited first to make sure that he wasn't mistaking temporary fascination for love, but in Shizuo's case it wasn't necessary. They've known each other for years, yet from the moment they met the blonde never managed to bore him.

While he was very aware that the ex-bartender hated him deeply, Izaya wasn't afraid from speaking his mind. In the worst case scenario their relationship couldn't exactly get worse, so what was there to be afraid of? The only thing that was left was finding a way that would allow him to talk freely, without having to worry about his own safety. At the same time it was important to make sure that Shizuo believed him. After all, was he in his place Izaya would be sure that the other was just planning something to make him suffer.

When he finally had an idea that seemed like it would work, the raven grinned, before turning his computer on.

He had a few purchases to make.


	2. Chapter 2

When Shizuo woke up he didn't know where he was. There was something on his eyes that prevented him from seeing anything. He tried to remove it, but discovered that he couldn't really move his arms.

That sent him into a state of panic. He struggled some more, but was unable to break his restraints.  The blonde took a deep breath and tried to find the last thing he remembered. 

He returned home after a tiring day at work. He went to the kitchen and drank some milk he found in the fridge. He suddenly felt weak and collapsed on the floor. Then there was just darkness. Darkness filled with a very familiar scent...

Oh. He should've expected it.

"Izaaaaya-kun! You fucker, let me go!"

"Tsk, that's so like you, Shizu-chan. Always ruining all my fun. And here I was hoping for a great, dramatic reveal."

The blonde blinked when the light abruptly reached his eyes. He was laying on an old, Western-style bed. His limbs were restrained with thick iron chains, making him defenceless.  

Next to the bed, grinning, stood Izaya. In his hand was a piece of fabric, that was probably used as a blindfold earlier. They were in some shabby room. 

"What the fuck is this, flea! Have you finally figured out that you can't deal with me in any other way and resorted to kidnapping? That's simply pathetic."

Evem though he was saying that, Shizuo had to admit he was a bit scared. He was well aware that Izaya was in truth a pretty dangerous person and being on his mercy wasn't exactly a wonderful state to be in. The blonde gulped. 

"You don't need to worry so much. My plans this time around aren't even close to being that malicious. I just want to tell you something. Sorry about the whole kidnapping you thing. I just really wanted to make sure that you don't rip my head off mid-sentence."

Oh, that did sound a bit better. That is, if it wasn't a plan to blackmail him or something like that. Still, it was pretty nice knowing that the raven wasn't planning to kill him. Probably.

"As if that was a good enough reason to kidnap people! Fuck, you sure are sick! Anyway, get on with it. The sooner I'm freed, the sooner I can bash your head in."

Hearing that, Izaya laughed, before sitting himself on the bed and leaning towards Shizuo. Feeling the other's hair tickling his face and seeing those blood red eyes staring straight into him, the ex-bartender could sense the vein at the side of his forehead pulsing with anger.

"You. Really. Are. The. Worst. Here, I set up this stage, put in all this effort and yet you still interrupt me and say you want me dead. How cruel."

The blonde rolled  his eyes, yet remained silent. It seemed the flea was in a talking mood. Which was sure as hell better than if he suddenly decided to cut Shizuo into pieces.

"Okay, okay, I can see that you're impatient, so I'll cut it quick.  You see, a few days ago I realized that... Ta, ta, ta, tam... I love you!"

 "...!"

Suddenly staying silent became that much easier. Mostly because he didn't have any fucking idea what to say.

"Now, I know that this might sound a little bit weird. Considering how we've been trying to kill each other for years and all. But trust me for once, I'm serious."

"Trust ?! You?! You sick fuck, what the fuck is wrong with you?! You ruined my life, got me fired from my job, framed me for a crime I didn't commit, just now kidnapped me and you expect me to believe that you suddenly love me? Look, I don't know what kind of wierd plot of yours this is, but you used to be better at them. Not even a high schooler would fall for this one."

The raven said nothing at that, instead deciding to change his position so that he was now sitting on top of the ex-bartender. Crimson eyes continued to stare into golden ones. Suddenly much more aware of the closeness between them, Shizuo tried his best not to avert that gaze. 

Finally Izaya spoke up.

"I can't say you don't have a point here. Luckily, I already thought about it.  I do am very much aware that I don't exactly appear as the most trustworthy person on Earth right now. And that's why, I'm going to release you now!"

Not waiting for Shizuo to respond in any way, his captor then proceeded to merrily undo his restraints. 

"You see, what I'm doing right now serves one and only one purpose. I want to earn you trust. One might think that revealing this I'm being counterproductive, but that's not really the case. I just had an opportunity to kill you. Choosing not to do so I show you that I prefer you alive. "

No matter Shizuo would prefer to deny it, the bastard did kind of had a point. He indeed proved that killing the blonde wasn't his intention. Which was honestly a pretty big change to their dynamics.

"Aaand... done! Now you're free to go. Well that is, after the drug wears off. I might love you, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that you're not going to kill me."

Oh, that actually explained a lot. He did indeed have a feeling that moving was a bit more difficult than normally.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> I know it's been a while and I don't really have a good enough excuse why it was so, so I'm not going to give you one. Sorry that this chapter was a bit short, but I'll be trying to upload another one soon. No promises though.   
> As always, please leave a comment and tell me what you think. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, Chromo here.  
> I kind of should be currently working on my main series but I just really wanted to write something like this for a while. It was originally planned to be a oneshot character study, but somewhere near the end I decided that it could use a continuation. I don't have any idea how long this one's gonna be, though probably rather short. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think


End file.
